LONDON (Reuters) - A couple have been reunited with their missing cat after nine years, the RSPCA said Wednesday.

Dixie, a 15-year-old ginger cat, disappeared in 1999 and her owners thought she had been killed by a car.

She was found less than half a mile from her home in Birmingham after a concerned resident rang the animal charity to report a thin and disheveled cat who had been in the area for a couple of months.

RSPCA Animal Collection Officer Alan Pittaway checked her microchip and confirmed it was Dixie. She was returned to her owners, Alan and Gilly Delaney, within half an hour.

“In 29 years of working for the RSPCA I have never seen anyone so excited and happy as Mrs Delaney,” Pittaway said. “It made my day to return Dixie to her owners.”

The couple were “overjoyed” to be reunited with their missing cat after so many years.

“Dixie’s personality, behavior and little mannerisms have not changed at all,” said Gilly Delaney. “We don’t think she has stopped purring since she came back through the door.”

The RSPCA hope the story will encourage owners to have their pets microchipped.

References: neoWin.net

Today’s idiots come to you from the PETA (Please Eat Tasty Animals) in Portage la Prairie in Manitoba, Canada.

Since the well publicized decapitation of a bus passenger grabbed the attention of the world the PETA has decided it would be a good idea to compare this heinous crime to the eating of meat by producing an utterly tasteless ad.

The Canadian Globe and Mail reports:

[...] city editor Tara Seel said the newspaper had no intention of running the ad, which uses imagery of “an innocent victim’s throat” being cut, in reference to the slaughter of cows, chickens and pigs on factory farms.

“His struggles and cries are ignored … the man with the knife shows no emotion … the victim is slaughtered and his head cut off … his flesh is eaten,” reads the ad, which is posted on the website.

“If this ad leaves a bad taste in your mouth, please give a thought to what sensitive animals think and feel when they come to the end of their frightening journey and see, hear and smell the slaughterhouse.”

The PETA aren’t making friends with this ad, obviously. From the thousands of comments received on various reporting sites it’s clear that it’s inspired many people to disavow the PETA and have started consuming meat like never before just to spite the eggheads.

Good going, PETA. Really. Now where’s my steak?

Here’s an interesting snippet from a Radio 4 Program where Richard Dawkins (pictured right) talks about his upcoming program dedicated to Darwin’s theory of evolution.

From RichardDawkins.net:

Popular but controversial science writer Richard Dawkins discusses his new 3-part television series The Genius of Charles Darwin, in which he retraces Darwin’s journey and his confrontations with fundamentalists and theologians.

Richard Dawkins speaking about the Genious of Darwin on BBC Radio 4

Listen, ladies. No offense, but let’s get a few things straight here. Believing what magazines and other women tell you about keeping a good relationship is pure bullshit. Believing it will make you as empty and vacant as the soul of a McDonalds corporate executive.

I was in the train and I read an article in a woman’s magazine that exalted the ‘Top 10 ways to please your man coming from a wife of almost 9 years’ and it made me want to vomit. No, I didn’t have anything else to read.

Therefore I bring you tips to finally understand your guy, from a guy who doesn’t give a damn and whom you don’t know.

Most REAL MEN care only about 10 things. Anyone telling you differently is lying his/her ass off and trying to fuck you over. OK, I’m trying to fuck you over as well, but that’s besides the point. I don’t lie. I’ll tell you this up front, in your face.

Let’s start the list, shall we?

10) Men like porn.

My advice: Let the guy keep his porn collection. It’ll keep him quiet and away from other women.

9) Men like food.

My advice: Cook the bastard dinner. Men think better with a full stomach.

Men like drugs and/or beer.

My advice: give him his fill of intoxicants.

7) Men like you not nagging.

My advice: leave the toilet seat up, for gods sakes.

6) Men like technology.

My advice: Let him indulge in technology.

5) Men like games.

My advice: let him murder his friends and live in his imaginary world.

4) Men like rude humour.

My advice: put up with it. It won’t hurt your precious feelings. Much.

3) Men like blowjobs.

My advice: oral sex. Lots of it.

2) Men like attractive women.

My advice: go to the gym, fatso.

1) Men like sex.

My advice: Copious amounts of it.

And that’s it, ladies… my little contribution to your understanding of men and what they like. Love us or leave us. Now go cook me dinner and let me drink my beer.

Let’s get serious lads and ladies. You’re terrible at getting a partner. I’ve been the witness of loads of bad attempts at starting a relationship over the internet and frankly, most of you excel at it. I’ve had loads of (reasonably satisfying) relationships with internet sweethearts and married one of them, so I think I have a right giving you lonely losers some advice on this subject. On the other hand, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes as well, so you might as well learn from the master.

Here’s a list of Don’ts for internet dating…

1) Don’t go for sloppy seconds.

If your date has just come out of a bad relationship or has just broken up with their old flame, don’t jump in and try to be the ‘new kid on the block’. Chances are they’ll still be fucked up by the breakup and this will ruin both your chances of having a good time.

2) Don’t mislead your potential target.

Internet dating is exciting because you can find out what the other person is like before you actually meet. Don’t act like you’re Don Juan / A hot pornstar. Don’t send them pictures of yourself which are misleading or show you in a dark room. And most of all don’t reflect their insane fetishes. Saying: “YEAH, I LIKE U2 TOO!” isn’t going to go down well if it’s not true. Best be honest.

3) Don’t act all ‘lovey dovey’ on the chat channel / forum.

This will cause the inevitable shit to hit the inevitable fan when/if you break up. I have a list of quotes as long as my arm which will make certain people from our #English chat channel cringe years later and ask themselves how the hell they could’ve been so stupid.

4) Don’t expect a stable relationship.

People on the internet are by definition not stable. You can hope for stability, but don’t expect it. The most unstable minds can act like the stablest ones online and when she’s standing over you at night with a knife in one hand and a tear soaked rag in the other it’ll be too late.

5) Don’t be surprised if it goes tits up.

Relationships are emotional events. When it goes wrong, just shrug and get on with your life. Remember, ladies: men are notoriously bad at taking rejection. Don’t act like the village slut when it’s over. Sure, other guy whose cock you’re mongling won’t care but it’ll ruin the fun for the rest of the crowd who has to deal with the sullen sod you leave behind when you and Mr. New-dick are out shagging your brains out in a pub toilet.

6) When it does go tits up, don’t set your friends up against them.

Watch out here, men. Ladies are great at this. ‘Nuff said.

7) Don’t let yourself be jerked around.

If the woman/man of your dreams doesn’t agree to meet you, consider yourself lucky. Perhaps they’re not worth the attention you want to lavish on them.

Don’t brag to everyone and their dog you fucked your new lover.

This is not just bad form, but sets your partner up for endless queries, private messages and such because now everyone thinks you’re dating a slut who will let you get to 3rd base the first night. Besides, only people who aren’t experienced go around bragging about having sex. You == virgin.

A final word of advice: be yourself. If you’re an uncaring lowlife prick like me, act like it. You will find a partner who thinks you’ve got a heart of gold just ever so slightly disappointed when you rip off their clothes in the 2-star hotel room that smells vaguely of piss and broken promisses. Your partner should reflect what you are: a fucker.

That is all for now. Enjoy your hand.

It’s time for another article about stupid people. Stupid people in New Zealand, this time; particularly parents.

A Judge has ruled that a 9 year old girl named ‘Talula does the Hula from Hawaii’ be remanded in the care of the court so she can change her name.

BBC News reports:

Judge Rob Murfitt said that the name embarrassed the nine-year-old and could expose her to teasing.

Apparently this is a trend in New Zealand with approved names having been given to infants ranging from Violence, Number 16 Bus Shelter, Midnight Chardonnay to the twins Benson and Hedges (a famous cigarette manufacturer).

How stupid do you have to be to name your child Number 16 Bus Shelter? I’d be guessing pretty idiotic. Not only are you giving them a social trauma in school but you’re also making it impossible for them to find a job later on in life.

Hi, my name is Violence. I would like to apply for a job as child care assistant.

Enough said? I think so.

It’s been a while since we had a “Today’s Idiot” article, but this one made me grab my laptop and almost crush it in frustration at the stupidity of our subject: George Walker Bush.

Who would’ve guessed that just before his time as the worlds foremost dumbass and idiot in chief was up G.W. Bush would put his foot so deeply up his rectal passage he’d have trouble getting it out again:

The American leader, who has been condemned throughout his presidency for failing to tackle climate change, ended a private meeting with the words: “Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.”

He then punched the air while grinning widely, as the rest of those present including Gordon Brown and Nicolas Sarkozy looked on in shock.

You sir, are today’s idiot. Read the entire article here.

Sorry for the Dutch link; I’m sure you’ll find a decent translation machine device unit to pull it through.

this article in De Telegraaf, one of the bigger newspapers in the Netherlands, got me laughing and mad at the same time. It’s about a guy that was asked to change seats on a KLM flight; it turned out that this was done because the woman who was seated next to him had problems with sitting next to a guy, because of her religious beliefs. Bonus points if you guess the religion of the woman.

What cracks me up, though, is that this guy is a politician with the CDA party, which is a Christian party. One religious bozo causing disruption for another religious bozo; if that’s not irony, I don’t know what is.

Apart from that I’m also appalled. If you have such immense problems with sharing a row with someone of the opposite sex, don’t fly an airplane. If you do, you *know* there’s a chance of you ending up in exactly that position. Don’t complain, or don’t seek out these situations. That’s like joining #italy and complaining about the abuse of colours…

I don’t know why the cabin crew didn’t move the woman — preferably to a guaranteed man-free seat on one of the wings or in the cargo bay — KLM officials said they couldn’t get the story confirmed by the cabin crew.

This is the third instance of religion-induced intolerance in a row in a short time. Just a few days ago, construction workers were “ordered” to wear different pants because the ones they wore exposed too much flesh (hey, they’re construction workers ffs), and in a city hall in another town, paintings were removed because they had some female nudity in them. In both cases, the complaints came from muslims.

I’m all for mutual understanding and respect for each other’s way of life, but only if it really IS mutual. If they want me to respect their beliefs, they’ll have to respect mine too. If you move to a country, whatever country, I expect you to adapt to your new surroundings, instead of requiring your surroundings to be adapted to you.

Bah. I’m starting to sound racist, and I hate that. But this bending-over attitude is just as bad. I’m willing to be tolerant, but not of intolerance.

A University of Leicester space scientist has worked out that sending texts via mobile phones works out to be far more expensive than downloading data from the Hubble Space Telescope.
Dr Nigel Bannister’s calculations were used for the Channel 4 Dispatches programme “The Mobile Phone Rip-Off”.

He worked out the cost of obtaining a megabyte of data from Hubble – and compared that with the 5p cost of sending a text.

He said: “The bottom line is texting is at least 4 times more expensive than transmitting data from Hubble, and is likely to be substantially more than that.

Mind you, 5p is conservative, I think. I pay 3 to 4 times that price. It seems like the telcos are sucking us dry. I’m shocked! Shocked, I tell you!

JUNCTION CITY, Kan. — Like hundreds of young men joining the Army in recent years, Jeremy Hall professes a desire to serve his country while it fights terrorism.

But the short and soft-spoken specialist is at the center of a legal controversy. He has filed a lawsuit alleging he’s been harassed and his constitutional rights have been violated because he doesn’t believe in God. The suit names Defense Secretary Robert Gates.

“I’m not in it for cash,” Hall said. “I want no one else to go what I went through.”

Known as “the atheist guy,” Hall has been called immoral, a devil worshipper and _ just as severe to some soldiers_ gay, none of which, he says, is true. Hall even drove fellow soldiers to church in Iraq and paused while they prayed before meals.

Of course, you can only be a “good soldier” when you’re a relifag… This poor chum was harassed by his brothers in arms, and eventually his superiors told him they couldn’t protect him (from the harassment), and sent him back to the US. The problems don’t seem to end there, though:

He believes his promotion to sergeant has been blocked because of his lawsuit, but he is a team leader responsible for two junior enlisted soldiers.

[...]

Hall said he enjoys being a team leader but has been told that having faith would make him a better leader.

Uncle Sam wants YOU. Unless you’re a filthy, gay, terrorist atheist.