3nglish.co.uk » A Big Fuck You to the Italians on IRC

A Big Fuck You to the Italians on IRC

Posted on: Dec 06 2007 0

Published by sn0r at 5:01 am under Articles

Dear illiterate Italians,

I’m writing this article just to make a point clear. I’m of course not talking about the many Italian friends I have made over the years on #English and the 3nglish website. This is not for you, my dear friends. You have time and time again proven your worth and cleverness. I am also not talking about the many literate Italians out there or the American Italians. Your accents, pizzas and pastas make the world great. But let us be brutally honest: you are in the minority on IRCnet. We must separate the chaff from the corn and take a closer look at your debilitated IRCing countrymen, who all seem to have certain disturbingly uniform traits in common across the ‘ages’.

These are traits we like to explore and exploit for honest ’schadenfreude’. Every now and then one of us snaps and you get the “But you’re discriminating against Italians!”-routine. No.

If you can actively debate the subject with us in English, you are not part of the Italian clone army we’re talking about.

If on the other hand you can’t… No mercy. Let’s be honest. Six years ago the Polish and you were on the same level. They all speak English and enjoy a mutually inclusive relationship on IRC. You haven’t.

As the American comedian Jeff Foxworthy, who started the “You Might Be a Redneck” fad once said on one of his albums:

“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck”.

I myself would like to honour Mr. Foxworthy with a tirade of my own, directed towards the Italians I mentioned above. This is by no means (just) a joke at the expense of the Italians who have not known any better.

…

Well ok, it is. So what. Here it is:

If you think that IRC is your personal entertainment system, you might be an Italian.

If you expect us to know where your home village is located, you might be an Italian.

If you think … that a channel called #English is full of native speakers, you might be an Italian.

If you assume that your capslock is your way of expressing your feelings, you might be an Italian.

If you think … that colours make a totally text based network look ‘groovy’, you might be an Italian.

If you repeat letters often to make you seem more genuine but fail miserably at it, you might be an Italian.

If you assume IRC is there to teach you English, you might be right, but you STILL might be an Italian.

I’m sure you all can help me come up with more. Please post them here and don’t just tell them to me on IRC. It’s boring for those that miss the joke. Thank you for your attention.

14 Responses to “A Big Fuck You to the Italians on IRC”

Gedyecommented on 06 Dec 2007 at 5:18 pm

Gosh! I think I might be an Italian…. I agree with all except the 2nd one, I don’t think anyone knows where my home town is or indeed should.
Still, I’m a colour based personage and need the colour to make the mindless repetitive drivel on irc seem nice and read worthy… was that too below the belt.
bouzocommented on 06 Dec 2007 at 6:38 pm

Omg, my wife’s italian. Someone, quickly.. get me some pasta to choke her with
cromecommented on 06 Dec 2007 at 10:17 pm

If you don’t understand any of the above mentioned points, you might be an italian.
MatCcommented on 06 Dec 2007 at 11:08 pm

If you think “any girl?” is charming, you might be Italian.

If you start a conversation with “I know you hate Italians but …”, you might be Italian.

If you private message every female nick on the channel list, you might be Italian.

If you say “ciao” both for hello and goodye, you might be Italian.

If you private message every single nick on the channel list, and then say “well f*ck you” when MuscleyMikeMan says “I’m a guy dude”, you might be a very desparate Italian.

If you believe that hot girls are sitting around bored in their lingerie waiting for you to say “girl with cam?”, you might just be Italian.
cromecommented on 07 Dec 2007 at 3:47 am

In soviet russia italians might be you!
dillecommented on 07 Dec 2007 at 11:33 pm

If you make a site and forget to close an LI element somewhere, causing the comments to go nested, and become smaller on each iteration… You might be sn0rt…

Ciao a tutti, man, ciao a fucking tutti.
gedyecommented on 08 Dec 2007 at 12:58 am

LOL dille
jmcommented on 08 Dec 2007 at 5:32 am

da da ..
micol aka fokinacommented on 08 Dec 2007 at 11:42 am

Poor me
bouzocommented on 08 Dec 2007 at 5:09 pm

Update

@dille: Should be fixed now, man Thanks for the pointer, but it wasn’t a li, as far as crome and I discovered. It was an unclosed div. My bad. Funnilly enough, my FF an IE don’t seem to show that nesting problem though.

@fokey: There’s still hope! You’re here!
naycommented on 09 Dec 2007 at 9:34 pm

You missed the last one: “If all of the above don’t touch you at all, simply making you think ‘I don’t care’, you probably are a Really Big Italian.”
3nglish.co.uk » The 3nglish Christmas Messagecommented on 25 Dec 2007 at 12:03 am

[...] The website’s gone through quite a transformation recently, when we added a front page weblog to function as the front page instead of our forum. This page, while only being online for 3 months as of this article, has attracted between 40 and 100 unique visitors a day, excluding all the bots, faggot rss feeders and spammers. Not too bad for what started out as a small IRC community. The most popular article so far on the weblog is the ‘So who came up with this soviet russia joke anyway‘ article, closely followed by my rant on Italians. [...]
adacommented on 22 Oct 2008 at 8:43 pm

i just want to see if my little miss ada avatar still works
adacommented on 22 Oct 2008 at 8:44 pm

it doesnt